What do you think about this?

"A young person severely wounded in an accident AND(add and) was lying on the stature of a private clinic but the doctor refused to examine him because he demanded his fees first." u start yr essay with this line. not bad but it would be more good if u add some lines about humanity before it. u may write that, "a person without humanity cannot be a human. it is humanity that creates difference between man and animal. a person who spoils his humanity for wealth cannot be a human. he have to repent for his greediness for money has in future..."etc. but u haven't wrote the title of yr essay. it u wrote, i may give u more advice and may write one essay for u. from next time write the name of yr essay.